I Never Thought....
by coke fiend
Summary: Well, this is a Quistis/Zell fic. ...Quistis got transferred and after a year without Quistis, Zell decides it's time to end it. R&R, please try not to flame. And..the PG-13 material is more in the upcoming chapter than this one. Sorry for spelling mis
1. Default Chapter

I Never Thought...  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer:Blah Blah: No, I don't own FF8. But if I did I would be rich. And no..I'm not "with the band" Blink-182 and do not own this song. Even when I CLAIM to own the song. ^_^!  
  
  
  
Authors beginning note thingy: Okay..I was kinda mad when I wrote this. and I was listening to "Adam's Song" over and over. So that explains why it's in the story. And "Adam's Song" is the best song. And Blink-182 is the best band! So..R&R!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zell stood up slowly. The bell that usually meant "hot-dog time" to him didn't mean much now. Sure, it had been atleast a year since Quistis got transferred to another part of the world, which seemed like another galaxy to Zell. The one thing that might have made her stay then didn't seem like such a great thing to to do when he heard the news. Two years ago, when Zell and Quistis had started dating, she told him that her career came first. And of course that was what had happened. This Friday, November 18, would have been their three year anniversary. Now, that seemed more like an old dream. Now, that bright; happy Zell from so long ago was carrying a frown and didn't seem interested in almost anything. "Move on!" Selphie had said one day. Move on? How could he? Maybe if he had listened to Selphie, he wouldn't be going through any of this now. What he was going through now was depression. The kind that lead to suicidal thoughts, but hell like it mattered now.  
  
* I never thought I'd die alone  
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?  
I traced the cord back to the wall  
No wonder it was never plugged in at all  
I took my time, I hurried up  
The choice was mine I didn't think enough  
I'm too depressed to go on  
You'll be sorry when I'm gone *  
  
Yes, those kinda of thoughts were Zell's most frequent visitors. Maybe he wouldn't be to this point if he hadn't put everything he had into the relationship. He had put so much into it that he was at the point of asking Quistis to marry him. He had even bought an engagement ring with the money he had been saving for half of his life. If only... "No more ifs." He had said. Yet, everything he did always seemed to bring up more ifs. Now, Zell was slowly, but surely making his way to the cafeteria, but then again did it matter if he ever got there? Did it matter if he just so happened to be leaning over the balcony railing and slipped over the edge? It didn't matter to him. "And that's all that matters." Zell stood in the hall. He looked around. "No one the see anything." He shook his head. "Stop it, you twisted fuck." He sighed. It was way too late for him to just stop. (The rope and chair are already waiting.) He laughed. not that it was funny, but he never saw himself here two years back, when there was something to go on for. Or that actually mattered.  
  
* I never conquered, rarely came  
16 just held such better days  
Days when I still felt alive  
We couldn't wait to get outside  
The world was wide, too late to try  
The tour was over, We'd survived  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
To pass the time in my room alone *  
  
Zell decided to skip lunch to get some fresh air. No, not to get the job done yet. He walked out onto the balcony. No one had been walking the halls. They had all gone to lunch or either to go study in the library. He stopped at the railing and looked out across the landscape. The most beautiful thing to see before you jumped the railing, or would have been. but next to Quistis it was nothing. Zell didn't see why his life had to go down the drain already. He was only 18. Too young to go to bars and too old to think all this would blow over. There was no point in thinking that anyway. His scores on tests had gone down because he had stopped preparing for the tests to decide how to end it. Rope and chair. Balcony and a great fall. Over dose of drugs or the messy ways: slicing his wrists,jumping off a building, praying there's a fence below..... He preferred not to think about those. "Too messy" He laughed at the thought.  
  
* I never thought I'd die alone  
Another six months I'll be unknown  
Give all my things to all my friends  
You'll never set foot in my room again  
You'll close it off, board it up  
Remember the time that I spilled the cup  
Of apple juice in the hall  
Please tell Mom this is not her fault *  
  
Finally, after two weeks, he had decided on a way. "Rope and chair!" It was the easiest. Plus, no one would know for days.  
  
Quistis made her way into Balamb Garden. She had decided to give all her friends an unexpected visit. And boy would it be one. As she made her way to the dorm of the person the wanted to see most, she spotted Selphie and Irvine. "Selphie! Irvine!" She started toward them. "QUISTY! WHOLY MONKEYS!" And Selphie was off, reaching her within seconds and hugging her as if she was a stuffed animal. "It's nice to see you too." Irvine on the other hand, slowly made his way. "Hey Quisty. How've ya been?" Irvine smiled. "Wonderful! I just thought I'd come by and see how everyone was doing. Oh, have you guys seen Zell?" She looked passed them. "I saw him going into his dorm earlier." Selphie smiled and hopped up a bit. "Could you guys excuse me?" Quistis smiled. "Sure! We'll see you at lunch, huh?" Quistis nodded and waved as she walked past them and headed to Zell's dorm. When she reached it she knocked. No answer. "Zell? It's Qusitis!" Still no response. She keyed in his passcode. "No change in that." She smiled, not knowing what awaited behind the closed door. She walked into the room and the door slid closed behind her. Soon, a glass-shattering scream echoed down the halls. One that could possibly be heard for miles. We all know it's tough to lose someone you love. In Quistis's case if she had stayed with the people who actually loved her, and forgot about her goddam career and put them first, none of this would have happened. And Zell's depression could have been avoided.  
  
* I never conquered, rarely came  
But tomorrow holds such better days when I can still feel alive  
When I can't wait to get outside  
The world is wide, the time goes by  
The tour was over, I've survived  
I can't wait till I get home  
To pass the time in my room alone *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To Be Continued....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author ending note: Okay...you'll all have to wait until I find a song to go with the next chapter until you find out what Quistis actually saw. Well..R&R and if you flame me...I do know how to remove your review you mean person. ^_^! Well...hope you liked my twisted story of how you need to put your friends before your career. Because without friend you wouldn't be where you are now. So remember that the next time you want to ruin your friends life because she accidentally broke your pen or something. Later!  
  
~~ Qusits_Almasy ~~ 


	2. I Never Thought

I Never Thought....   
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer:Blah blah: Okay...I don't own FF8, but if I did...I'd be happy to be rich. And I'm not "with the band" Blink-182. So I don't own the song in this chapter either. BUT I CLAIM TO!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Beginning note: Well another chapter. And this time I'm using "Going Away to College" which is another song by blink-182. I dunno if I did my best on this chapter....but I tried! And..the PG-13 rating? I don't think it's that much in this one.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Please take me by the hand   
It's so cold out tonight   
I'll put blankets on the bed   
I won't turn out the light   
Just don't forget to think about me   
And I won't forget you   
I'll write you once a week she said*   
  
  
Quistis stood in the entrance way of Zell's dorm. "Zell?" She walked further into the room, then froze. She tried to shake off her next reaction, but without any luck. She screamed as loud as humanly possible. "Zell?!" she put a hand over her mouth. There was a moment of silence before she walked even further into the room.   
  
  
*Why does it feel the same   
To fall in love and break it off   
And if young love is just a game   
I must have missed the kick off   
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything   
But I'd go through hell for you and   
I haven't been this scared in a long time   
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine   
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody   
This world's an ugly place,but you're so beautiful to me*   
  
  
"Oh fuck.." Quistis stopped at the sound of Zell's voice. "Quistis?! What.." He trailed off, knowing how all this must look. And it was the truth. "Zell, we're you going to?" Zell glanced at the rope swaying around. He had moved back one of the ceiling panels and tied it around one of the water pipes. Then he looked to the chair. (* From the desk right next to him*) It seemed easy to say he was just a few minutes ago, but now he couldn't admit he was going to. "Quistis, I.." "Just tell me." Zell looked over to her. She was on the verge of tears, and Lord knows if he could handle her crying. "Yeah, I was. But I can explain it!" Quistis nodded and bit her lip. "It was all you." Quistis looked up, more shocked by this answer. "Me?! You we're going to kill yourself over me?" Zell nodded. "I can explain that, too. See, when you told me you were gonna leave I decided not to tell you this," Zell walked over to the desk. He opened one of the side drawers, and pulled a small black box from it. "Well, you can probably guess the rest now." "Zell! If you only would have told me!" And with that she lost her concentration and began to cry. "I wouldn't have gone if you had told me you wanted me to stay!" Zell forced a smile. "But you seemed so happy.." "About going there?! No! It's a living hell!" Quistis couldn't help it and let out a small laugh. "I'm sorry." Zell shoved the black box into his pocket and walked over to Quistis. He hugged her pretty tight, but made sure not to suffocate her. "You saved me.." He smiled and kissed her. There was a knock at the door. "Hey, um, let me clean this up. why don't you get that?" Quistis nodded. "Oh," Zell smiled at wiped away her remaining tears. "Don't want it to look too serious." Quistis smiled and hurried to get the door.   
  
  
*I'll think about the times   
she kissed me after class   
And she put up with my friends   
I acted like an ass   
I'd ditch my lectures to watch the girls play soccer   
Is my picture still hanging in her locker?   
I haven't been this scared in a long time   
and I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine   
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody   
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful*   
  
  
Quistis opened the door. "WHOLY MONKEYS! Are you okay?!" It was Selphie. "Yes...why?" Selphie looked puzzled. "Then what was up with that scream?" (Great!) Quistis couldn't come up with much of an excuse for that one. she never usually screamed when she saw Zell after a long time, so that one was out of the question. "Um, well.." Zell walked up behind Quistis. (I know!) "See..Zell just asked me..to..marry him!" Quistis smiled. "WHAT!?" Zell practically screamed. "Wholy fuzzy monkeys! He did?!" Selphie was jumping up and down. "Er, yeah.." Zell put in, afraid Quistis might beat him if he didn't. "AHHHH! Can I see the ring? Is it nice?" Quistis couldn't actually answer that, considering she been able to see it yet. "Go ahead, Zell. Show her." Quistis grinned. Zell pulled the case from his pocket and flipped it open. "TA-DA?" Selphie screamed. "Gibberish! That must have cost a lot!" (My whole life savings..) Zell thought. "Well! I'll just leave you two LOVEY BIRDS alone!" And off she went. Zell shut the door. "Well, since everyone is about to think we're getting married," He carefully took the ring from it's case. "We should go along with it." He slowly slipped it on to her finger. "Perfect fit." She smiled. "Is this just a rental?" Zell grinned. "You never know, I might just let ya keep it." Quistis giggled. "Well," She glanced at her watch. "It's getting late and I have to go check in with Cid. I'll see you tomorrow?" She kissed his cheek. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."   
  
  
*I haven't been this scared in a long time   
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine   
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody   
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful*   
  
  
*Next Day* "QUISTY!" Selphie nearly ran Quistis down. "Hello.." She smiled. "We have tons of planning to do!" Back fire. "But..i have some stuff to do." Selphie frowned. "Forget your job for one day!" Quistis hesitated. "Alright, but I need to go talk to Zell first." Selphie jumped for joy. "See ya in a few!" Quistis continued towards Zell's dorm. "Looks like I won't have to go far.." She noticed Zell talking with a group of his guy friends. "Zell!" she tapped his shoulder. Zell turned around. "Can I talk to you?" Zell smiled back at his guy friends, sort of a "good-bye boys" kinda thing. "Of course." As the two started to walk away Quistis heard some of the guys cheering for Zell or something. (Must be something that guys do..) "Let me guess. The whole garden thinks we're getting married, too? We need to tell them the truth! I mean, Selphie is ready to plan it all!" "Who says it isn't the truth?" Quistis stared blankly at him. "I'll catch ya later, okay? I still have classes, you know." And with that, Quistis was left with her thoughts. (Me getting married? For real?) It was a scary thought for her.   
  
  
*I haven't been this scared in a long time   
And I'm so unprepared to here's your valentine   
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody   
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful*   
  
  
  
  
To be continued.......   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors ending note: Haha! Second chapter down. Now I just have to find a song to go with the next one. Hum...I need to browse! Lol...hope there weren't any spelling mistakes. Well, R&R.....I enjoy reading reviews...and...em...later!


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